you're a zero, what's your name , no one's gonna ask

been a rather blah day. rainy. dark. and, after Jay left for work, a tad lonely.

i'm presently watching football. my cats are currently in the lead but just by a td and we've got a long way to go.

i really don't have much to talk about right now. so, lets go for some random thoughts.

DJ AM - how tragic to survive a horrific plane crash only to turn around and kill yourself (i'm making an assumption here) less than a year later. i am also reminded that just because you seemingly "have it all" on the outside doesn't mean you have it all on the inside.

Michael Vick - ok, so i'm a little late getting on to this topic but i'm glad the NFL reinstated him and that he's playing again. not that what he did was ok but i think he got a raw deal. people have served less time for killing other humans.

Nate's skin is finally doing a bit better. not sure if its that we've switched him to soy milk, that he has a new cream, or, a combo of both but he's got no new scratch marks over the last couple of days.

Maggie is currently wailing at the top of her lungs. she's been having sleep issues again. i'm at a loss. this was much easier with Nate.

when all your left with is a f!$#ing song

ok - so the moment of insanity passed and i realized that moving is not the answer. at least not to Winchester.

because yes, it may be cheaper but it is too far from family and if Jay ends up getting the new position he wants the deployment tempo is pretty intense.

ok - shower time!

you were always on my mind

i may not have a ton of friends but the ones i do have are pretty fantastic. Alison and i are separated by about 3000 miles now. i take Lynne, who actually lives in close proximity, totally for granted and don't see her as much as i should. But, when get together, none of this matters and that's the best.

i had a wonderful birthday dinner (yummy sushi). poor Lynne. though i am perfectly capable of talking about things other than my kids. no, seriously, i am! i am seemingly only capable of this when there are no other mom's in the group. hey, at least we're past the labour stories!

Alison also got me my very first true designer piece. and though i normally pretend not to care about such things, i admit that i'm more than a little bit psyched by my new Coach wristlet.

i drove home feeling very blessed.

i just can't get enough

oh dear.

why can i never stop thinking. plotting. scheming. dreaming.

ok, so technically thinking and dreaming are not really bad things...unless you're me.

i like to browse the real-estate listings. this is probably something i should not do. most people window shop for clothes. me, i browse houses.

and i found a turn of the century beauty in Winchester with original moulding and wood-work. of course, being a turn of the century house its got problems, knob and tube wiring, some structural work and a heck of a lot of wallpaper left over from a make-over circa 1974.

i actually went so far as to call the agent. $35k in needed upgrades not including the cosmetic stuff. however at only 199000 with a most likely price-drop this weekend it could be doable.

ok - the timing is off. i'd have to find new daycare - we would have to sell our house - it would be a pain to get to Algonquin for my courses. it would inevitably cost more money.

it will remain a dream for now...

Mags is still out of sorts but i took the kids to the mall anyway - they were actually fairly good. bought a ton of clothes for Nate at the Children's Place. wasn't crazy about the girl stuff though. too bright. all yellow and turquoise and lime green. at least he's set for fall now and for $135 i got him 2 pairs of jeans, 2 pairs of cords, a button down, two thermal long-sleeve tee's, one reg long-sleeve tee, a polo and the cutest grey plaid military style cap. oh, and a pair of "yoga" pants for Mags. not bad if i say so myself.

still need to get him a fall coat though. they're either ugly or cost a fortune. guess i'll check Joe again.

well, i should go get pretty - meeting Cali-Ally and Lynne for a b-day dinner downtown. still haven't figured out where but thats ok! either sushi or burgers.

can everyone please tell me i'm nuts about the house - like i'm not already in over my head as it is!

yeah, this sex is on fire

don't worry, title has nothng to do with the entry - this is not that kind of blog. just the song that happens to be stuck in my head right now.

ugh - been a stressful few days - my own doing. i normally consider myself a smart and responsible person. i normally consider myself financially responsible in the grand scheme of things. but, this house has been a little more than we bargained for. and then, the car that we are trying to get rid of ended up needing new brakes and body-work.

so, it looks like we just paid $800 to essentially give the car away (someone is hopefully taking over the lease within the next few days - just waiting for the paperwork to go through).

there goes our rebate...

of course, none of this would have happened if i wasn't so impulsive. i mean, we could have kept driving mom's van until our lease ran out. we didn't HAVE to get the new car right away.

lesson learned...lesson learned.

i'm now going to have a pity party with a giant bowl of ice-cream.

in other news. Mags is sick...fever and all. poor little girly. she also just cut a new tooth (top).

also, the belted shirt look does not work if you have giant boobs, the shirt is tight and the belt is huge. can you picture it? it was not pretty. it made me wish i was one of those what not to wear hosts so i could have told the girl how awful she looked without feeling guilty.

then i wondered - does anyone ever think the same way about me? i think i dress to conservatively (read: boring) to draw much criticism.

i could be your cat call too

ugh Mondays...

great weekend though! Fri with Gavin and Tara, Saturday we went to dinner and the movies (Inglorious Basterds - so freaking good) with Rob and Mel. then on Sunday i took Mags to brunch with Alison et al. fun times.

i was going to write this great post on the waitresses (sp?) at Moxie's where we went for dinner but now i'm too lazy to be all hard core feminist boo-hooing about the state of the world.

though, if you've ever been to a Moxie's i'm sure you know exactly what i'm talking about.

waiting for football to come on. its the only thing on tv these days, well aside from Mad Men which i have to wait until tomorrow to watch on Demand because there was no way i was staying up until 11pm last night.

pretty sure we'll be getting rid of the Cobalt this week. after a couple false starts looks like we found someone solid. need to get rid of it too because the plates expire at the end of the month and i don't want to buy new stickers. nor do i want to fork over another lease payment.

another bright spot, we finally got the second half of our eco-energy rebate money (from the ON government) .

life is good.

no hero in her skies

finding friends as an adult is difficult, at least for me. i'm a fairly introverted person, and most people just annoy me so to find someone who has similar interests and is at a similar place in life who i can stand is hard (yes, i know, i have issues!).

trying to find Christian friends is that much harder. first of all, it limits the potentials pool then, out of that limited pool you have to try and find someone with whom you have common interests other than the fact you both happen to believe in Christ.

since Linds and Shane moved we've had a hole in this regard.

enter Tara and Gavin. Tara is the mom who i met at playgroup. she has 4 kids and wants more. when i first met Tara i didn't think we had much in common until of course we started talking. then we started to get the kids together a bit outside of playgroup. and finally last night just the grown-ups got together.

we, well at least Jay and i had a blast, we drank some wine, we played cards and we got to know each other in that great first date sort of way when the conversation is easy and deeper than the usual get to know you crap. Tara and Gavin have had VERY interesting lives. but that is their story to tell not mine.

now Jay and i feel like the girl the morning after that great first date - did they like us? are they going to call again? did they feel the same connection?

this is definitely a friendship we want to pursue.

busy day ahead. getting together with Rob and Mel and heading on a double date for dinner and then to see Inglorious Bastards. then tomorrow its off to brunch with Cali-Ally and possible a visit with Marc and Sarah to finally meet their not so new arrival Lukas.

gee, for someone who complains about not having many friends we sure do have a lot of plans this weekend!

oh, i've got friends

this morning i took Nate to the doc. got a couple scrips for his skin, one an anti-biotic to clear up what is probably a staph infection (because of the open sores from scratching) and the other is an antihistamine (sp?) for at night - stronger than Benedryl.

the poop issue is apparently still not an issue but i think i'm going to have him tested for Celiac etc. when our regular doc is back from holidays just in case.

after we got home Cali-Ally and her ADORABLE daughter came by for lunch and a little play-date. now you know from reading this that i rarely use capital letters. that should tell you something right there.

it was nice. i miss Alison a lot. she is a rare breed for sure. though thoroughly modern of course! i could totally see her in the 50's or 60's because she is so well mannered. the type of friend who never shows up somewhere without a hostess gift. never forgets important dates. polite and refined. a real girl's girl.

kids are currently napping and i am enjoying the peace and quiet though i should probably start thinking about what we might want to have for dinner.

so don't knock it, don't knock it

it is 10:30 and i am still wide awake.

it was a fun evening filled with poop and groceries. poor Nate. i'm demanding he see a specialist when we go to the doc tomorrow. i'm tired of hearing how common it is or that its not a big deal. so glad he didn't do it at daycare today. it was so messy. again, thank goodness for the 3 hour super hot water sanitize cycle on our washing machine.

so after that fun i left the kids with Jay and went grocery shopping since i'm hosting Cali-Ally and the Little Miss tomorrow for lunch i thought it might be a good idea to have food.

it was a full on Walmart, Farm-Boy, Superstore shop - oh and a stop at Chapters. so i didn't get home until about 9:45.

hopefully the kids will sleep in a bit tomorrow though i have to get Nate downtown for 9:30 so i can't sleep too late.

i'm watching house hunters and the realtor was showing them the German aluminum patio doors "very high quality". i didn't realize there were quality differences in aluminum based on the country of origin.

ok - i'm even boring myself now.

good night and good luck

i've been waiting for this moment for all my life, but its not quite right

feeling melancholy (sp?) again today.

sad to leave the kids again this morning. poor Nate was dressed in jeans and a long sleeve tee today because keeping his skin protected outweighed the fact that it was another plus 30 day.

someone else at work who has eczema herself, as well as her son, recommended a line called Cliniderm. they even have shampoo and conditioner and it is irritant free, not just scent free but paraban and a bunch of other commonly irritating chemicals free.

i bought the entire line at Shoppers at lunch. hope it helps. i've tried just about everything else now.

i must also be really out of it because my friend Tara called and i thought she wanted to set up a playdate for the kids on friday but the next thing i know we've made plans for the evening for her and her hubby Gavin to come and hang here and play boardgames.

now, its not totally out of left field, we had brought up the idea in the past but i think i must have missed a voice-mail from her or something.

ok on that note - off to bed because i just totally spaced out

yeah well it takes one to know one kid, i think you got it bad

i did not enjoy work today. i don't know if it was the fact that i only got 4 or so hours of sleep. that one colleague has moved to another department and another was away today. or, that my little guy is having health issues (poop and skin) and it just about killed me to leave him this morning.

last night i spent a good hour dreaming up baby names. which then got me thinking, my entire plan sort of rests on me having another child. and this is by no means a guarantee. yeah, all i had to do was think about it for the first two but i'm not getting any younger.

out of my hands, out of my hands, out of my hands...just gotta keep the faith and plug through in the meantime.

ok - its 8:23pm and i'm done

they're going to eat me alive

my carbon footprint is a size 13 today.

i drove around aimlessly with the kids looking for construction sites so Nate could see some diggers and bust the boredom. the air has been on non-stop for the last 4 or 5 days (albeit at 24). i ran the dishwasher twice. did two loads of laundry in hot water (cold doesn't cut it when it comes to poop) during peak hours and now, i have the oven on at 375 despite the air conditioning because i'm making a roast chicken for dinner.

on the bright side, this chicken will be the basis of lunch and dinner for the next 3 days.

currently enjoying some quiet time while the kids are napping. Jay's gone to K-town so i'll be watching football and Mad Men on my own. if i can stay awake that is.

we'll get a divorce, find some more models, everything must run its course

deployment has been on Jay's mind since he joined the military 4 years ago. he (or rather we) went on this journey together knowing that there would be absences. that deployment would not only be a possibility but an actual goal to work towards.

some people get this. some people do not. in fact, in the last two days we've/i've had conversations that have run along the lines of "what do you mean he wants to go to Afghanistan?" "don't you know that he could die there" "you would be alone how long?".

i suppose it is out of concern but what it really comes off as is you are either crazy or don't know what you're doing.

first of all, we're well aware of the risks. second, we also have tremendous faith in God/Christ. and while this does not guarantee safety by any means, what it does provide is a sense of peace. this life is not permanent for anyone.

besides, even though he's asked for it doesn't even mean he gets to go.

ok then...

day was good. hot hot hot out - spent some time in the "pool". in-laws came over for dinner and all was great until the dreaded Afghanistan (sp) topic came up.

on my own tomorrow - Jay works and then heads to Kingston with some guys from work to see the U.S. Marines silent drill team perform.

one more day until Mad Men S3! woo hoo

that and this, these and those

sometimes i see commercials/infomercials for products that i think are laughably (did i make that word up?) ridiculous i.e. the Snuggi. and sometimes i think they are too specific to be truly useful i.e. the package shark.

well, i'm starting to think the package shark is a good idea after spending about 10 minutes with a pair of scissors trying to fight my way into the plastic surrounding my new Stila make-up. my super awesome gifty from Cali-Ally!

speaking of Cali-Ally, we had a great time catching up this evening sitting on a patio having desert. that is, until the mosquitos started attacking. though i generally agree that banning pesticides, herbicides or any kind of cides is a good thing, it is starting to bug me that there are, well, bugs within city limits.

well, i should be off to bed. jay is working tomorrow so its me and the kiddo's. gotta do some groceries with them. at least it gets us out of the house where we've been cooped up with the AC. seriously, we Canadians, never satisfied with the weather. we complain its rainy and cold and when it finally gets warm and the sun shines its too hot.

de ne na na na na, ne na na na na na...

i'm humming a tune in my head but can't remember the actual words right now - its by Kings of Leon.

i'm blogging from work.

i realized last night on the bus home from work that although some things never change, others do and rapidly.

i swear that when i went on mat leave last fall the only people on the bus with Blackberries were the executive types now everyone and their dog seems to have one. as i looked around last night almost everyone was busy thumb-typing away. those that weren't had an iPhones or iPod Touches, one guy was playing on one of those PSP things and another dude was watching How I Met Your Mother on some other fancy device.

i feel inadequate with my regular old cell phone which, btw, i hardly use and my old model Nano.

life is how it is, not what it was

kids age you. its not just the toll it takes on your body or the stress of added responsibility but the constant reminder that as they get older you get older and the repetition of life events that have long since passed you by.

for instance: this weekend i took the kids up to Deacon for a Kuehl family gathering at "the Lot" which is what we call my aunt and uncle's place because when they first bought it, it was just that, a lot of land on the lake. there's now a cottage but we still call it "the Lot". Anyhow, when we got there on Saturday one of my cousins who is about to turn 14 was attempting to waterski for the first time. this is something that i too learned to do there about 17 years ago at about the same age.

ok, enough of a nostalgia trip for one post, now it is time to complain.

the first night at my parents is always a little rough. kids thrive on routine and as much as you try to keep them too it there are variables you just cannot control. so, Friday night Mags was up every 45 minutes. at 2:45am she stood in her crib bouncing up and down smiling and talking to me. i wanted to strangle her! fortunately, she's pretty freakin cute.

i guess she figured out i was actually in the room with her and that it must mean play-time. i finally ended up on the couch until she fell back asleep before i snuck back in. Last night was a bit of a repeat but at least she only got up once albeit for a whole hour and a half.

she was also terribly clingy this weekend. wanting to be held constantly and not wanting me out of her sight.

work tomorrow is going to feel like a slight vacation.

oh well, this too shall pass!

and i still want a third??...

i keep making these to do lists but nothing gets crossed out

week one done! does it count as a week if it was only 2 days???

yesterday went a little better, a little smoother, a little faster. i'll be back to my pro-star self in no time!

Mags seems to be a little too into the new routine - up at 6 this am...trying to find the perfect bedtime where they won't be tired if i get them up early but won't be up at the crack of dawn when i want to sleep may be a challenge i can't win.

today we're heading to Tara's (the mom with 4 kids and counting from playgroup) for a playdate. tomorrow i'm taking the kids to my mom & dad's for a family thing. jay has to work so he'll hold down the fort and hopefully get some sleep.

the girl who wants the cobalt sent in her credit check so hopefully it works out and she'll be able to take the lease over. i want my garage back! i have at least 3 unfinished projects to get done. not that i have a lot of time now...

life is going to start getting very busy now - Cali-Ally arrives in town shortly and then Jess comes back for her visit (her flights are finally booked) plus the Penster, plus two baby showers one of which is in Toronto, plus our trip to Montreal, plus my course starting! its all good. idle hands as they say.

ok time to vacuum up the raisin (sp?) bran flakes that Nate and Maggie have crushed into the carpet with bulldozer.

but what else can we do? get jobs in offices and wake up for the morning commute

day one is done

not too bad, surprisingly how easy it is to fall back into routine. kids were great and we got out of the house on time. if anything, i got up too early (will remedy that quickly!) Mags only got up once last night so i wasn't even that tired even if i did sort of look like it.

i even got a seat on the bus which was a bonus considering i have to take the first available one whether its standing room only or not if i want to make it in for even close to my 8:00 start time.

had a pretty easy day work-wise mostly just figuring out what's new, where to find things etc. i don't have permanent workstation until i'm full time (i'm sharing right now) so it all kind of feels temporary.

the kids were great today which is always good to hear. makes it a little easier to leave them.

well, i have just enough time to fit in an episode of Mad Men and then its to bed with me.

and all, i want, is you

today is our 7th wedding anniversary

who knew i would meet someone who would put up with me as long as he has :)

love you more than anything hon - well actually, i guess you're in a three-way tie with the kids!

he said there's nothing i can do for you, you can't do for yourself

finally a summer weekend. hot and a little humid and most of all SUNNY. went to Deacon Friday afternoon. first time we really got to test out the new car. very nice and comfy.

had a great time catching up with Lindsay and Shane. we really miss our boardgame buddies. had a rousing game of Scattagories on Sat night. and yes Jay we apologize for not believing you that there was such a thing as the CLEO awards.

took Mags to the beach for the first time on Sat too. she wasn't overly impressed. this was made worse by the friendly neighbour's dog who kept insisting on shaking off in her immediate vicinity.

Nate had a blast though.

back to work tomorrow. its still kind of surreal to me. maybe because its only 3 days a week so it doesn't quite feel like the real thing or, maybe i'm just in total denial!