i laughed the loudest who'd have known

something's been troubling me and i don't really know why. last Friday my City Councillor's 15 year old son committed suicide. you may have seen it in the news. his name was Jamie Hubley. he was openly gay and he was bullied which his father has acknowledged was a contributing factor in his death.

i mean on the surface of course it would bother anyone, no one likes to hear someone has died especially under tragic circumstances. i also think i'm bothered because i witnessed a young woman's life get snuffed out in her prime that someone would take their own life, it also just seems like such a tragic waste.

it also breaks my heart that his family seemingly did everything "right" and it still fell short (through no fault of theirs).

it also makes me think back to my school days. i definitely remember picking on a couple kids on the bus, not just me a few of us. i don't even remember about what. i also remember being picked on by older kids on occasion. i pretty much hated getting on the bus everyday because of this one dude but i wasn't the only one taunted.

i guess it's got me thinking at one point does taunting become bullying or is there no distinction? how much of it is kids will be kids? or can we really change human behaviour? i try very hard to instill in my kids, especially N who's older that it's ok not to like everyone, that you won't necessarily get along but it's never ok to be mean you just don't need to hang out. i mean he's only 5 so i haven't gotten that deeply into it.

then there's the whole gay thing. i'm not saying that in a trivial manner, but that it clearly adds a whole other dimension. i can't recall anyone during my high-school career being openly gay (though two that i'm aware of have since come out). given our particular school culture and the time period i imagine it would have been a pretty hostile environment.

i also think that it's beyond discouraging that despite all of the public service announcements, awareness campaigns, parenting books, tv shows etc. etc. etc. it doesn't seem to be getting better. the world in general, despite all of our so called "progress" is really in a pretty sad steady state of decline.

i will also say that though i fully acknowledge that faith is not a cure-all, i would not be on anti-depressants if i thought that, but i truly believe that faith (for me, in Christ) is what's missing in so many peoples lives. I think God in general is missing from too many people's lives. clearly we are not doing a very good job on our own and when the world fails you what else do you have?

Jamie, i hope that something positive comes out of your death and your family's unspeakable loss.

tomorrow, tomorrow

tomorrow as of 9:30am i should look like:

i and love and you

Happy 9 years.

fade into you...

if a good song is on while i'm in the car and i have to get out, i wait until it's over. sometimes i even "own" the song on my iPhone or a CD somewhere but there really is something about hearing a song you love on the radio.

today's song was Fade Into You by Mazzy Star.

busy weekend...went to check references for a landscaper. unfortunately, well not really unfortunately because its going to look awesome but it looks like we'll be getting the driveway re-paved and widened and a nice interlock walk-way instead of new hardwood floors at the moment.

bought the tile for our powder room and entry way, got some curtains for the basement, some more storage units for the kids toys. also got most of the supplies to finish the back deck.

Jay's going to be busy!

plug the radiator in the car, i can see the words you're screaming in the frost

at home sick again...sick of being sick!

oh well, it gives me time to plan renos and do homework (ha!).

and once and a while our hearts beat out of time and once and a while i know they'll fall back in line

the kids are sick, gastro sick. it seems that we've either been cleaning up puke or s#!t for 3 days now. poor things. Nate especially seems to be hit hard. i think it's actually the first time he's really ever been sick.

i have strep again...

fun times in the K-M household!

Jay is actually out tonight, was out last night and is going out tomorrow night. tonight was supposed to be our movie night but we couldn't very well have someone sit for the kids in this state and i'm not feeling very good either so no sense in both of us being stuck at home.

tried to clean all the sick out today - laundry, bathrooms, even bleached the Lego and Megablocks. got some groceries done solo which was awesome.

life just goes on.

Psalm 61

we invariably left the prairies...

and so, he's back. 6 seemingly long months that also went by so quickly.

i know that rationally time doesn't really go any faster when you're older but there is something so strange about the first 18 years of your life, how you can't wait to grow up and then you do and time passes so quickly you can't even believe it.

Nate was SUPER excited, and for 2 hours all we heard was "daddy watch this" or "daddy, can i tell you something?" and generally just daddy daddy daddy. Mags was happy to see him but slightly indifferent, she just wanted to come home and watch Toy Story.

it's weird, familiar and yet foreign at the same time. not sure i can describe it.

and some day if you get it together in your heart, maybe we can get back together

this is it! i will fully admit to taking drugs (the OTC kind!) to assist in sleeping last night.

Nate seems pretty excited, even Mags seems a little excited, probably picking up on Nate's energy. I'm watching them play lego right now - its fun watching them interact. It will be weird to see how the dynamics change when Jay gets back.

I wonder if they'll still gravitate to me or if they'll leave me in their dust!

well, i suppose i should get these kids breakfast.