Monday, December 13, 2010

i'm wearing my heart on my sleeve

well, my search efforts have hit a snag. i can't get a copy of the death registration because i'm not considered next of kin (only full siblings) though I can get Dad to sign an authorization but quite honestly i was trying not to involve him.

i know my Uncle Gary used to have some contact with Dad's ex. I'm hoping he has some idea where she is since she's really who I need to talk to...

I got a quote from a PI for $1500 to find her. They're licensed blah blah blah. Still seems kind of steep.

I know Mom and Dad had a letter from (a lawyer?) and I think a copy of the obit - maybe I can get enough info to find her myself. I know there are letters from her to Dad and my Mom but they are old, from when Donnie was really young.

I could talk to my Dad but I'm partly afraid of bringing up the painful past and partly afraid of the answers I might get. I mean it's fairly screwed up that no one ever actually came out and said hey by the way you have (had) a brother. At least not that I can remember.

I know it's complicated...very complicated. I just wonder who they were trying to protect. I'm scared that someday some of the things I've done or will do because I think it's best for my kids will come back and haunt them like this haunts me. Not that my skeletons are grand.

1 comment:

  1. I totally remember Donnie being talked about. Not a lot but if I knew the secret it probably wasn't that big. But you were quite young. And I can't say I remember the death being talked about. (Typical??). If your Uncle Gary knows something that would be great. If you want help raising it with your Dad I could do that. I have a feeling I'll be doing some garage time during the upcoming visit. :) Hard to know how he would react but in the right moment it might not be that bad.
    It's hard to know where people's heads and emotions will be at but I would like to think that Donnie's Mom would not be upset if you tried to contact her.