and then the guilt for feeling this way when really things could be so much worse.
but my mind drifts and i starting thinking about scenarios and i can feel my heart beat go haywire and my chest tightens and its everything i can do to ward off a panic attack.
i really just want to scream sometimes, scream and break things. if i was rich i would break things and replace them. unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you look at it) i'm not rich and i like my stuff.
i did run on the treadmill a couple times this week and it really felt good to sweat it out.
the park near our house "our park" is usually pretty empty. most of the time when we go its just us, occasionally another family or a couple kids are there but I've never seen more than 8 people there. The new splash pad (think concrete foundation with fun water fountains) was installed earlier this week and the last two evenings there have been between 20 and 30 people there.
I guess it's good...
Nate's had a blast that's for sure.