Friday, August 13, 2010

cut my heart in half and discard the evidence

not a great week emotionally. it's like i can feel myself cracking, losing control.

and then the guilt for feeling this way when really things could be so much worse.

but my mind drifts and i starting thinking about scenarios and i can feel my heart beat go haywire and my chest tightens and its everything i can do to ward off a panic attack.

i really just want to scream sometimes, scream and break things. if i was rich i would break things and replace them. unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you look at it) i'm not rich and i like my stuff.

i did run on the treadmill a couple times this week and it really felt good to sweat it out.

moving on...

the park near our house "our park" is usually pretty empty. most of the time when we go its just us, occasionally another family or a couple kids are there but I've never seen more than 8 people there. The new splash pad (think concrete foundation with fun water fountains) was installed earlier this week and the last two evenings there have been between 20 and 30 people there.

I guess it's good...

Nate's had a blast that's for sure.


  1. Sorry your week sucked. I understand, but can't imagine, what you are going through. If that makes sense. In the scheme of weeks, mine kinda week sucked too but at least it was better than last week, when I was in panic attack mode. Even though I could theoretically afford to break things, I can't muster it. I just know I'm the one who will have to clean it up. I did throw a magazine the other day.
    I think my Lions officially suck worse than your Cats.
    On a much brighter note, the thing I was most happy about this week was that I wasn't at my former job. Another boat arrived and I am just SOOO glad I am not in that gong show. Like splash pads in the park - there is always something to be thankful for.