Tuesday, January 26, 2010

I am sick with wanting and it's evil and it's daunting How I let everything I cherish lay to waste

rough day. not that it takes much to set me off these days.

i was in the elevator at work and there was a pregnant woman and she was rubbing her belly and it just reminded me of how i was "supposed" to be pregnant again right now. a reminder of how the plans i had or thought i had are in the trash.

mini nervous breakdown.

but, i have to remind myself that there is a reason for this, perhaps its that it was "my" plan. perhaps i'll never know. i also have to remind myself of all the things i have to be thankful for. i already have two beautiful children.

its also not like i'm pining for another baby every day. in fact most days i think yep, done with that. so i was a little taken aback that it bothered me so much.

i think i'm also stressed about Jay's trip and what it will mean for me even thought its months away. which there is no point in doing so. i know that. logically at least.

ugh, life sometimes.

1 comment:

  1. I think it's hard sometimes to be reminded of where we thought we would be, even if we really no longer want to be there exactly.